High School sports

Some days, I just reflect on these years and want to cry.  I had SO MUCH FUN during these years!  It was so great to watch my kids participate in a sport and gain the self-esteem that comes from working hard and accomplishing something to be proud of.  I moaned and groaned about sitting in the stands for hour after hour but really, it was so great.  When we decided to move to NP, and I headed over to MPHS to pick up Adam's transcript, I cried when leaving the campus.  I knew I wouldn't be back, and we had some really great years at that school.  I still miss MPHS.  I haven't bonded with NPHS like that at all, but maybe it is because Adam only ran one season of cross country here.  When I go to NPHS, my memories include talking to the principal and the campus police about Adam's suicide threat, and then watching my son being loaded into a police car to be delivered at a mental facility.  Not so great.

But anyway.

Now I have this to look forward to:

I don't know if Sophie will ever get to play high school sports.  She is enjoying home schooling, and truly, I can't see sending her to public high school when the atmosphere is so awful and the educational standards heading down the toilet.  So once she hits 8th grade, that may be the end of it.  Which makes me so sad.  I'll have to do some research.  Maybe there is something she can do!  Meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy the next 4 track and soccer seasons and just soak it all up.  

And try to find something Sam can do.  Bike racing, maybe?

  

Count your many blessings

Let's just say that the past few weeks have been pretty hellish.  Broken arms, broken and dying back, doctor/dentist/chiropractor appointments nearly every day.  Two ER visits.  And then there is Adam.  I have never met or been around another person who is more of a jackass than Adam was this past three weeks.  We kicked him out twice.  Chad and I were seriously gritting our teeth every single day, just to keep ourselves from beating the daylights out of that kid.  So, med change again!  Only this time, the psychiatrist tells me that we need to prepare for things to get worse before they can get better because this med takes a month to kick in properly.  I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN HANDLE ANYTHING WORSE.  Praying every minute of every day for strength and patience.  The combination of it all is overwhelming.

Anyway, I am trying to keep myself sane by counting my blessings.  I know I am blessed with so much!  But this week, I need the reminder, because I am mainly just feeling like I am being wrung out and you know that whole "refiner's fire" thing?  Yup, I'm there.  Last night I had a discussion with the Lord that basically went like this:
Me: I am dying here.  I can't do this anymore.  Our family can't do this anymore.  I can't deal with this.  I am losing it.  I am at the end of my rope.  I am sorry I am so weak, and can't bear these hard things.  I am sorry for my lack of faith.  Forgive me for forgetting all of my blessings....
Sigh.
Ok.
I'll keep going.

Heavenly Father:  Remember what I said?  About there being no challenge that you can't overcome?  You can do this.  Go take a Xanax, get some sleep.  It'll be ok tomorrow.

And, so far, it is.

Miracle.

College apps

Last week was noteworthy, and in spite of being in such bad pain (my lame back), I was happy.
The past couple of weeks, we have been starting the process of Adam's college applications.  I have thought long and hard about this one - because we need him to get out of the house and be a big boy, yet he isn't really ready to be completely on his own yet (and truth be told, I think he is terrified to be out on his own).  He told us awhile ago that he had been praying about whether he should go on his mission at 18, and felt that he shouldn't.  Which we agree with, wholeheartedly!  So college it is.  But where?  Not too stressful, safe (emotionally and physically) environment, relatively easy admission....the one place I have felt so good about is SUU.  Southern Utah University, located in Cedar City UT, minutes away from three cousins, and 20 minutes away from grandparents and an aunt and uncle who are pretty much 2nd parents to him.  He has spent a lot of time in Cedar City, is familiar with it, and I think he would be super comfortable there.  But.  There's that little pesky issue of non-resident tuition...TRIPLE the cost of resident tuition!  Truly, we would be crazy to pay that, when he could go to BYU Idaho where it is super cheap.  (I have no problem with BYU-I except that it is so stinking far away from everyone.  Even our ID relatives live like 7 hrs away.  Who knew that ID was such a big state?)  So I have been looking at all kinds of scholarships, trying to find a way to make SUU work.
I called their admissions office just to ask about application deadlines (I figured he should apply just in case of a miracle), and I got into a great conversation with the girl in the admissions office.  We talked about all the tuition costs and options...then she said to me,"Did you or your husband graduate from SUU?  Or any grandparents? Because we have what is called the Legacy Scholarship that could make tuition comparable to resident tuition."  I about fainted.  My mother got her Associates degree at SUU!  A bazillion years ago, but still a degree!  She connected me with the scholarship office and I found out that there are two kinds of scholarships that Adam could qualify for - the Legacy Scholarship, and a Western Undergraduate Exchange scholarship (which makes it affordable for out of staters to go to SUU).  Either one would bring the cost down - not as low as BYU-I, but certainly comparable!  And doable.  You have no idea what a miracle this is!  So of course, we got that application filled out and off to the admissions office immediately.  As soon as Adam gets accepted (which will happen, he has good enough GPA and ACT score to get in there), then we apply for the scholarships.  Made my week!
And we are in process of filling out Adam's application for the BYU's.  He wrote his first essay "the most challenging thing I have had to overcome" or something like that.  Of course, he wrote about his bipolar diagnosis.  And he ended the darned essay with this sentence, "I couldn't have come through this without my family, especially my sister Megan Wright, who goes to BYU Provo and is currently serving a mission in Fiji.  I am not ashamed to say that she is the best friend I have ever had, and I love her very much."  I have to make a copy of that and send it to Meg.  She will love it.
So, yay!  College!