First day back on the pavement

I went to the hematologist yesterday and got my hemoglobin count - praise the Lord, it was 11.3!  Almost in the normal range!  Which means I was cleared to run.  So I decided to take it easy this morning and I ran a mile.  It felt pretty good.  I had a hard time breathing, but then, I am pretty out of shape.  No dizziness.  But the best thing of all is that I RAN A HILL WITHOUT STOPPING!!!  It feels like a miracle.  The last time I ran that same hill, I had to stop after about 25 yards and walk it.  I felt like I was going to pass out and die right there on the road.  And I came back home and crashed on the couch and slept for 30 min before I could even take a shower.  And then I crashed on the couch again and slept/watched 19 Kids and Counting all day.  So you see why I am so happy!  I'm on my way back!!!

I'm having a really hard time...

…not decorating the house for Christmas.  I feel like Target!  Too soon!  Give Thanksgiving its fair share in the season!  And Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, I am usually defensive on its behalf.  But Thanksgiving will be kind of anticlimactic this year because we aren't going to New Harmony for the traditional big family reunion weekend.  I will miss that so much!  Plus who the heck will I cook for?  My kids would rather eat pizza.  Chad's lucky I invited the Sister missionaries.  At least 3 people will enjoy the turkey!
Anyway, I don't know if it is just that Meg will be coming home so early in December and has requested that we have the house all decorated and magical.  Or that we will be hosting a bunch of Christmas parties and I'm already feeling stress (I've been thinking about those parties for a month now).  Or that I am so filled with anticipation for having the whole family together again, AND with Adam stable!  I guess that last one is probably it.  Christmas just isn't the same without Meg.  She brings the music into the whole holiday, and organizes a beautiful Christmas Eve FHE - last year, without her, was kind of pathetic.  Of course it didn't help that Adam was in a REALLY BAD place and there was so much tension in the house (Sorry, Mike and Dawn, that you had to experience that! Wish you could be here this year!).  No matter how high my expectations are, this year can't help but be an improvement!
Also I am excited to decorate my new house for the holiday.  We'll have two Christmas trees, and I am totally changing the style of one of them, we're going more rustic to match my kitchen and family room.  I think it will be beautiful.
And, confession time.  Sophie and I have been singing Christmas carols in the car.  We are working on harmonies.  Is that so wrong?  :)
Counting the days!

Weird weight loss

My hemoglobin count is stubbornly staying under 9, in spite of two iron infusions (however, the doctor was encouraged that my red blood cells weren't as "shriveled" as they had been…"they're starting to plump up").  But the doctor says it will take time so I just have to be patient.  But here's the weird thing.  

In spite of the cells plumping up, I am losing weight!  I'm not trying.  But I am down 4 lbs in the past couple of weeks.  126 - haven't weighed that since about 5 months after my wedding.  The nurse asked me what I was doing to lose weight (I have to weigh in every time I go) and I just had to shrug.  The only thing I can figure is that I am getting more energy back and so I am moving around more and eating less??  Anyway, I feel like I am getting plenty to eat, so that isn't the problem.  I don't know.  But if this keeps up, I'm going to have to go clothes shopping again…(eye roll)…oh bummer!

I don't care if I have to have iron infusions once a month for the rest of my life, the bypass surgery and the results of it are SO WORTH IT! I'm living a dream.  I spent my entire life gaining, losing, gaining, losing, gaining, gaining, gaining.  I hated the scale with a passion.  Everywhere I went, I felt like people were looking and talking behind my back.  Like I didn't measure up.  Like I wanted to hide.  The insecurity and lack of self esteem were sometimes overwhelming.  Wow, it is miraculous to not feel that way anymore (well, mostly.  sometimes I go back there without thinking)!  I still have depression and sadness sometimes, and worry almost constantly over the dang kids, but I don't eat it away like I used to.  I can't.  I feel like garbage if I do!  But I don't miss it at all.  I really don't.  

This morning I woke up wanting to get out and at least walk.  THIS IS SUCH A GOOD SIGN!  So I think I'll head out for a little while.  :)