57 lbs healthier

Last summer I had gastric bypass surgery.  It was a very hard decision, but there were a number of factors that pushed me in that direction.  1) I was diagnosed pre-diabetic.  It runs in my family, and my blood sugar was nuts.  I even had to have insulin a few times, especially in the hospital after my surgery...for no good reason since I hadn't eaten anything in like two days.  My mama is diabetic and hates it so bad...she cried when I told her about the diagnosis.  2) Heart disease runs in my family.  Along with knee and hip deterioration and replacement.  3) I am so heartily sick and tired of the battle - up, down, up, down, then up up up.  It has been pretty much the roughest year of my life, and it showed.  I knew I needed to make some serious changes and I needed help.

I have hesitated to make this such public knowledge.  I have not been keeping it a secret (if you asked how I was losing so much weight, I would tell you).  But I also am not advertising it.  No poster child here.  And the reason for this is that a lot of people think that bariatric surgery is taking the easy way out.  There is a misconception out there that people who go this route are just not willing to diet and exercise.  That they are lazy.  Well, for someone who has fat genes, who has a food addiction, who has chronic injuries that keep them from being able to run like she wants to so badly (that would be me)...bariatric surgery is a tool to help make major lifestyle changes.  It is not a cop-out.  It is NOT (I repeat, NOT) easy!  So if you feel that way about me right now, you are clearly not a friend.  Sorry.  The biggest drawback that everyone has been mentioning to me is the GI tract issues.  But I have to assure you that people who have that problem are simply eating either too much, or the wrong foods.  If I eat healthy, I have NONE of those problems.
Here's what makes this so hard:  although my stomach is tiny right now due to the surgery, and I don't feel hungry that way very often, my "head hunger" is alive and roaring.  I have learned that for me, that head hunger is more powerful than any physical hunger.  So please imagine what Halloween was like for me.  My drug of choice is candy.  My back was spasming so badly that I couldn't even get out of bed, and I ended up in the ER for some kind of pain relief.  It took 3 shots of narcotic to even make a dent, and even so I passed out multiple times between the car and my bed.  And between my bed and the bathroom.  Childbirth was a breeze compared to this pain.  Adam was being a beast to the other kids, and I couldn't do anything about it.  And then the kids showed up with candy all over the house.  It felt like people were throwing it in my face.  Please try to imagine a meth addict who has to buy the drug to pass out to other people, and has it sitting around in bowls and pillowcases all over the house.  So that was bad.
Thanksgiving was even worse.  This holiday completely revolves around feasting.  Even after Thanksgiving dinner, there were the delicious leftovers, and pies sitting out on the counter.  Caramel corn.  Cookies.  Hot rolls.  That was really bad.
Now we start in with Christmas.  Making homemade desserts and treats to give to friends and loved ones.  Sigh.  Oh man, that head hunger is crying out.  Sorry folks, this year, its going to have to be store-bought.  I can't take all that baking.  Which is a shame, I am a good baker.

But, I am weathering the storms.  I am seeing a food therapist, going to a support group, keeping track of every bite that goes in my mouth, reading food labels, making every bit count, nutritionally.  Trying to convince myself that food is fuel.  And fuel only.  In about 4 more months I will start the maintenance phase of this journey, which will be even harder.  I will be able to eat more calories, but instead of being excited about that, I am terrified.  I know from experience, maintenance is a beast.

So, yeah, I have lost 57 lbs as of today.  It has been rapid weight loss but that keeps me motivated and frankly, after that surgery, I deserve it.  I expect to lose at least 25 lbs more, and then there is always a 10 lb bounce back.  At least, that is all I will ever allow myself.  I will probably be food journaling for the rest of my life.  And watching my protein!  And I am happy!  I am starting to feel thin.  People are starting to notice.  I am fitting into the lowest sizes I even own, so there will be a new wardrobe pretty soon.  But most of all, I am healthy.  I am healthy.

How can there be so many miracles amidst so much craziness?

So, we have had two big things that we've been working on in the past 3 months.  Finding a way to buy a house, and finding a way to help Adam move out when he turns 18.  We were already sure that he wouldn't be serving a mission at 18.  So what else was there?  College, or a job and a rented room somewhere because he is difficult to live with.  So college, but where?  I wasn't happy about BYU Idaho because it is SO BLOOMING FAR AWAY FROM EVERYONE, and he didn't have the grades or the ACT score for BYU Provo.  I have been thinking about SUU in Cedar City, UT for awhile now - it felt so right for Adam.  Small, less stress, and best of all, super close to family.  They could definitely keep an eye on him for me!  BUT.  Being a non-Utah-resident, the tuition was TRIPLE that of Utah residents.  Yes, I said triple.  Chad kept telling me no way.  The BYU's are so affordable.  I just about gave up but there was a nagging desire that just wouldn't go away.  I started doing my homework about 2 months ago...found out that there were scholarships that could help with that cost.  So he applied.  And Adam got in and qualified for a great 4-year scholarship...which can be deferred for his mission.  It is so perfect that we seriously cannot question where this miracle came from.  On top of it, they have the major that Adam is interested in, Criminal Justice, and they have a forensics lab.  (He wants to be a police investigator.  Great job security and benefits.)  Last week we went on a campus tour while we were in New Harmony for Thanksgiving...it was so great.  Dorms where he can request LDS roommates.  Food plan.  But the most impressive thing was the Institute!  Adam was worried about being able to take a mission prep class at a non-lds school...not worried anymore!  The Institute was HUGE!  22 student wards.  An Institute concert choir.  By the time we left Cedar City, Adam had such a huge smile on his face.  Pretty much a no-brainer for him.  So now his future is all set.  One year at SUU, mission, then 3 more years at SUU, then a career in law enforcement.  

Oh, and did I say that he started a new med about three weeks ago and it is WORKING!  He's less depressed.  Guess what?  It is the same med I take for my epilepsy (just different dose) and I had been feeling that we should give it a try.  The dr. suggested it and we noticed a major change right away.  Now Adam just has a bad case of Senioritis, but that, I can deal with.

Now, the house.  Well, lets just say that this story is so full of twists and turns that if I explained them all here you would be dizzy.  Suffice it to say, we thought we were going to get one house & lot, then we were heartbroken when it sold, then we were trying to get excited about another one, then the people who bought the first lot dropped out (that we even found out about that is unbelievable), then we got it but had to have a final bank approval (which turned out to be super hard to get, due to new regulations and the sheer volume of paperwork!!!  I've never had to deal with such narrow parameters in my life)...we found out that we got it the day before Thanksgiving.  So now we get to move forward with having the home built with all our preferences in upgrades...its going to end up being a dream house.  Won't be done until next summer, but I don't care.  It is the coolest thing.  Probably it will be our forever house.  We prayed that if we were supposed to stay in Dos Vientos, we would find a way to buy a house...it was a CRAZY adventure, but here we are.  I was so happy to find this rental house and get moved in...that story is also full of miracles...but I'm ready to give up the rental life now.  

I'm telling you, every day I wake up wondering how we can be so blessed.  So so many blessings. It is amazing and I am humbled by the Lord's love and His involvement in our lives.  I don't know what I did to deserve so much.  Must be Megan's mission.