So, no email from Meg this P-day. I have heard from other missionary moms that this sometimes happens when their missionaries are serving in the bush (or on tiny islands out in the middle of the ocean) but not in Suva, the biggest city in Fiji! So I don't know what is going on. My first thought is that her companion was too sick to leave the flat. Her companion does have health problems. My second guess is that her companion (or maybe Meg) called an emergency meeting with the ZL's, DL's, or Pres. Klingler for some reason. Maybe Meg, in her outspoken way, offended a ward member and got tattled on. Maybe there were just a bunch of meetings that she had to go to. It wasn't time for transfers, and it wasn't time for a new intake. So I'm pretty sure it wasn't because of that. I checked the weather - no hurricane or monsoon that would knock out the internet service.
Of course I am worried. What mom wouldn't be?! If I don't hear from her today then I will call the mission office. I haven't called them since Meg (or the pres.) didn't email to let me know she arrived safely (and I know some of the elders did get to send off an email, so we were entitled)...so I can't be called "That Mom", can I? I wish I just had an email address for the mission couple. That would be the easiest and least embarrassing way to contact the mission office. Maybe when I call today I can ask for that. I will promise not to send a lot of emails! After all, I only want emails from my missionary!
I am the lousiest missionary mom on this planet. Most of the ones that I talk to are blasé about their missionaries - not keeping daily track of how long they've been gone and not obsessing about their emails...Or maybe that is just what they say. I don't know. I just know that I miss her and I worry about her in that unfamiliar place. Her letters are not always very upbeat and that worries me too. I REALLY hope that I'm having a harder time than she is! That is my prayer.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Friday, September 27, 2013
The Story of Adam's Eagle Scout Award
Sorry this has been blank. I wrote a big long entry and then realized that there were a lot of very negative details that kind of detracted from Adam's wonderful accomplishment. And there were many negative things that happened to Adam along this journey but I am trying to forget them. This should be a joyful thing, a culmination of years of hard work and endurance for Adam...and for me, haha! So, I erased it.
Here is the journey in a nutshell:
Adam overcame 9 years of hating Cub and Boy Scouts, barely enduring the activities and campouts because of his social anxiety and the mistreatment from the other Scouts. Searching for at least 4 months and then finding 2 different Eagle projects but having to give up the first one because he was wrongly accused (In a VERY very ugly series of confrontations) of stealing it from another scout. BSA changing their Eagle application forms the night before Adam's already filled out and signed forms were handed in (so we had to do it all over again, including getting all the signatures again. Anyone who has had to fill out those forms will tell you it is a major pain) Moving twice to two different Scout troops. Getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder and fighting the mania and depression and medication changes with all their side effects that come with it. And yet, finally working through all the remaining forms and letters of recommendations and chasing down details to finish it all up and pass that demanding Board of Review...it is nothing short of a miracle!
Here are the amazing positive things, in a nutshell:
Chad was able to attend a lot of the campouts with Adam, which made it bearable for him. He was able to get a lot of merit badges in a short period of time because of one Scout leader who got it. One of the troop changes was such a positive experience for Adam that he was re-invigorated and became revved up for getting his Eagle. He worked with an Eagle coach briefly who got him all outfitted and checked that he had all the requirements in place. He found the easiest Eagle project on the planet the second time around and that was the biggest miracle of all! I must tell that one in detail. We had Mormon Helping Hands one Saturday, scraping the rust off of a park fence and then painting it. Unfortunately for the City of Moorpark, we only got halfway done. Fortunately for Adam, I had a flash of inspiration and thought he could finish up the rest of it. We immediately called the contact with the city and he was more than happy to allow Adam to do it. We presented the idea to all the applicable BSA people and got it approved as an appropriate Eagle project. The city provided all the supplies - all we had to do was get people there to complete the job and get them all to sign waivers. We had some Scouts and some very nice parents show up from three different wards - Moorpark 2 (Adam's troop at that time, Moorpark 1 (Adam's former troop), and Dos Vientos (the ward we were moving to - that told me so much about that ward - we hadn't even moved there yet!) The fence was completely finished in about 6 hours and within a week, we had all the signatures we needed from the city. I believed then, and believe now, that the Lord knew what we had gone through and gave us that blessing.
Somehow through all that mess of dealing with the bipolar, Adam dug deep and found what he needed to get the paperwork finished. It took him a full year. But he did it. This was a goal that we had for Adam for most of his life. We almost gave up many many times! But now Adam knows that he can do very hard things, and that determination pays off. I want to throw that kid the biggest and best Court of Honor that I can! He deserves it!
Here is the journey in a nutshell:
Adam overcame 9 years of hating Cub and Boy Scouts, barely enduring the activities and campouts because of his social anxiety and the mistreatment from the other Scouts. Searching for at least 4 months and then finding 2 different Eagle projects but having to give up the first one because he was wrongly accused (In a VERY very ugly series of confrontations) of stealing it from another scout. BSA changing their Eagle application forms the night before Adam's already filled out and signed forms were handed in (so we had to do it all over again, including getting all the signatures again. Anyone who has had to fill out those forms will tell you it is a major pain) Moving twice to two different Scout troops. Getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder and fighting the mania and depression and medication changes with all their side effects that come with it. And yet, finally working through all the remaining forms and letters of recommendations and chasing down details to finish it all up and pass that demanding Board of Review...it is nothing short of a miracle!
Here are the amazing positive things, in a nutshell:
Chad was able to attend a lot of the campouts with Adam, which made it bearable for him. He was able to get a lot of merit badges in a short period of time because of one Scout leader who got it. One of the troop changes was such a positive experience for Adam that he was re-invigorated and became revved up for getting his Eagle. He worked with an Eagle coach briefly who got him all outfitted and checked that he had all the requirements in place. He found the easiest Eagle project on the planet the second time around and that was the biggest miracle of all! I must tell that one in detail. We had Mormon Helping Hands one Saturday, scraping the rust off of a park fence and then painting it. Unfortunately for the City of Moorpark, we only got halfway done. Fortunately for Adam, I had a flash of inspiration and thought he could finish up the rest of it. We immediately called the contact with the city and he was more than happy to allow Adam to do it. We presented the idea to all the applicable BSA people and got it approved as an appropriate Eagle project. The city provided all the supplies - all we had to do was get people there to complete the job and get them all to sign waivers. We had some Scouts and some very nice parents show up from three different wards - Moorpark 2 (Adam's troop at that time, Moorpark 1 (Adam's former troop), and Dos Vientos (the ward we were moving to - that told me so much about that ward - we hadn't even moved there yet!) The fence was completely finished in about 6 hours and within a week, we had all the signatures we needed from the city. I believed then, and believe now, that the Lord knew what we had gone through and gave us that blessing.
Somehow through all that mess of dealing with the bipolar, Adam dug deep and found what he needed to get the paperwork finished. It took him a full year. But he did it. This was a goal that we had for Adam for most of his life. We almost gave up many many times! But now Adam knows that he can do very hard things, and that determination pays off. I want to throw that kid the biggest and best Court of Honor that I can! He deserves it!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Just a warning, I'm going to be grouchy.
I heard the dog start barking at about 5:00 this morning. I tried to sleep through it until the alarm went off at 5:30, when I got up to get Adam off to seminary. I could barely get him out of bed, and he went to bed at 9:15 last night! The dogs were in full bark by then so I let them out to do their business. I often try to get back to sleep after Adam leaves but most days I just lay there thinking. This morning, I was so exhausted, but couldn't fall back asleep because, even though I left him happily licking the couch, the dang dog would not stop barking! There was no good reason for him to be barking. About 6:15 I gave up, went downstairs and threw him back in his crate, cussing under my breath. And I turned on the "sonic egg" - an interesting large egg shaped unit that is supposed to send out loud sonic waves that only the dog can hear, triggered by the sound of a bark. It used to work. I put in a new battery yesterday. Clearly, it doesn't work anymore. Either that, or Monty has developed selective deafness. After all that barking, I wouldn't be surprised. I tried and tried to get back to sleep after that but mainly just lay there wondering why I was so blooming exhausted - I usually can get by on 7 hours of sleep. Then I remembered my day yesterday:
Got up at 5:30am to get Adam off to seminary.
Stayed up to write a letter to Meg and that seriously took an hour because I didn't want to make her homesick and I kept having to go back and re-write sections. I don't think it does her any good to hear about my day-to-day stuff or anything negative about Adam.
Then Chad and I went on a 4 mile bike ride - my 2nd one in like 8 months, and that was fun but today I am so sore.
Then I got Sam and Sophie out of bed and breakfasting.
I got them all started on their work for the day.
Then started cleaning up the kitchen.
At 11:00 I had a meeting with the education facilitator from the charter school we work with.
Got started with a new social studies and science curriculum for Sophie. This is one time I am super jealous of trained teachers...I have to learn the new curricula without anyone to train me. Its a good thing I remember the state capitals and regions of the US without needing too many reminders. My public school education paying off, haha.
Anyway, then a quick trip to Target to pick up Adam's meds, with complications of course. The insurance co doesn't want to cover anything anymore. Thank you Obamacare.
Back home to greet Adam for lunch (I always try to be here for that - I can cheerlead/nag him through the rest of the day).
Then I had to take Sam to the dentist because he lost a filling.
Then we went to Michael's to pick up some decorating supplies - there is a fall pumpkin topiary I saw on Pinterest that I want to try to make.
Then the BIG nagging Adam section of my day started...or maybe that was just BIG Nagging Part 2 or 3. I can't get him to do homework to save my life. I have tried EVERYTHING! And I can't just let him fail, then he will be living with me for the rest of his life for sure!
Then there was dinner,
FHE,
and more nagging.
For FHE we played Apples to Apples while Adam did about 30 minutes of hw in 60 minutes with lots of interruptions for more nagging. He went to bed at 9:15,
the minute we finished scriptures and prayer.
Then the nagging of the other kids began.
By the time I fell into bed at 10:30, I felt like a wrung out piece of paper towel. Of course, that's when Sam and Sophie started coming in to talk. I can't turn them away when they want to talk. These are good teaching moments! The last thing I saw before I fell asleep was the clock, saying 11:30, and I knew morning was going to come waaaay too soon.
And it did. Stupid dog!!
The truth is, this is every day (well, sometimes if I'm REALLY lucky, the dogs sleep in, that's only happened once that I remember). I don't remember the last time I slept past 5:30, even on weekends. I never make it to bed before 11:00 unless I am sick. Maybe I am getting sick? I think I'm getting sick. And grouchy.
Got up at 5:30am to get Adam off to seminary.
Stayed up to write a letter to Meg and that seriously took an hour because I didn't want to make her homesick and I kept having to go back and re-write sections. I don't think it does her any good to hear about my day-to-day stuff or anything negative about Adam.
Then Chad and I went on a 4 mile bike ride - my 2nd one in like 8 months, and that was fun but today I am so sore.
Then I got Sam and Sophie out of bed and breakfasting.
I got them all started on their work for the day.
Then started cleaning up the kitchen.
At 11:00 I had a meeting with the education facilitator from the charter school we work with.
Got started with a new social studies and science curriculum for Sophie. This is one time I am super jealous of trained teachers...I have to learn the new curricula without anyone to train me. Its a good thing I remember the state capitals and regions of the US without needing too many reminders. My public school education paying off, haha.
Anyway, then a quick trip to Target to pick up Adam's meds, with complications of course. The insurance co doesn't want to cover anything anymore. Thank you Obamacare.
Back home to greet Adam for lunch (I always try to be here for that - I can cheerlead/nag him through the rest of the day).
Then I had to take Sam to the dentist because he lost a filling.
Then we went to Michael's to pick up some decorating supplies - there is a fall pumpkin topiary I saw on Pinterest that I want to try to make.
Then the BIG nagging Adam section of my day started...or maybe that was just BIG Nagging Part 2 or 3. I can't get him to do homework to save my life. I have tried EVERYTHING! And I can't just let him fail, then he will be living with me for the rest of his life for sure!
Then there was dinner,
FHE,
and more nagging.
For FHE we played Apples to Apples while Adam did about 30 minutes of hw in 60 minutes with lots of interruptions for more nagging. He went to bed at 9:15,
the minute we finished scriptures and prayer.
Then the nagging of the other kids began.
By the time I fell into bed at 10:30, I felt like a wrung out piece of paper towel. Of course, that's when Sam and Sophie started coming in to talk. I can't turn them away when they want to talk. These are good teaching moments! The last thing I saw before I fell asleep was the clock, saying 11:30, and I knew morning was going to come waaaay too soon.
And it did. Stupid dog!!
The truth is, this is every day (well, sometimes if I'm REALLY lucky, the dogs sleep in, that's only happened once that I remember). I don't remember the last time I slept past 5:30, even on weekends. I never make it to bed before 11:00 unless I am sick. Maybe I am getting sick? I think I'm getting sick. And grouchy.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Rolla Coasta Ride
And now, I'm happy! My life isn't perfect yet, but Adam is certainly happier! (which does make me happy) He seems like he is out of the deep depression now and just lazy and rude. Ugh! This is one of the things I hate the most about having a kid who has bipolar: ups and downs, ups and downs, nobody knows what will happen or what to expect tomorrow...or even in ten minutes. Searching for stability! Still praying.
So tomorrow I am going to the temple with the youth to do baptisms. We have an investigator (who might as well be a member, she knows the gospel better than most of my Beehives) and she is dying to go to the temple, but of course, cannot go inside. I have volunteered to stay with her and go to the Visitor's Center and walk the grounds until the other youth are finished. I would love to be able to participate with the rest of my girls, but this will be great too. And I can take Sophie with me, since Chad and the boys will be inside doing baptisms, and all the Beehives that I would hire to babysit will be at the temple. Sophie loves being with the Beehives!
I feel lucky. In this world, where there is so much evil and degradation, I have a way of life that spares me most of that. I am happy to be a Mormon. It has given me a wonderful life so far. Not without challenges, that is for sure. But a place to go for strength that is steady and sure. A community that provides support and the opportunity to think outside of myself. A place of constant learning. My dad once said that even if the gospel wasn't true, the lifestyle was the best way to live. I agree. But the gospel IS true! Bonus! I love that I know where I lived before I was born, and where I will go after I die. There is a lot of comfort in knowing that when this life is over, we will all be perfected. I am actually pretty excited to see how people change when they aren't controlled by illness or handicaps in their lives. It gives me a lot of hope.
Yay, Fall is here! I endure summer so I can get to Fall. Well, not really, but kind of. So today, I am happy.
P.S. I love that Nyal Manwaring. He is the best friend Adam has ever had.
So tomorrow I am going to the temple with the youth to do baptisms. We have an investigator (who might as well be a member, she knows the gospel better than most of my Beehives) and she is dying to go to the temple, but of course, cannot go inside. I have volunteered to stay with her and go to the Visitor's Center and walk the grounds until the other youth are finished. I would love to be able to participate with the rest of my girls, but this will be great too. And I can take Sophie with me, since Chad and the boys will be inside doing baptisms, and all the Beehives that I would hire to babysit will be at the temple. Sophie loves being with the Beehives!
I feel lucky. In this world, where there is so much evil and degradation, I have a way of life that spares me most of that. I am happy to be a Mormon. It has given me a wonderful life so far. Not without challenges, that is for sure. But a place to go for strength that is steady and sure. A community that provides support and the opportunity to think outside of myself. A place of constant learning. My dad once said that even if the gospel wasn't true, the lifestyle was the best way to live. I agree. But the gospel IS true! Bonus! I love that I know where I lived before I was born, and where I will go after I die. There is a lot of comfort in knowing that when this life is over, we will all be perfected. I am actually pretty excited to see how people change when they aren't controlled by illness or handicaps in their lives. It gives me a lot of hope.
Yay, Fall is here! I endure summer so I can get to Fall. Well, not really, but kind of. So today, I am happy.
P.S. I love that Nyal Manwaring. He is the best friend Adam has ever had.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Depression and anxiety, sigh
Well, the other shoe dropped. Adam had a negative experience with an old girlfriend who gave him some shocking news and also dumped on him (I have always had really bad feelings about her and yet again, she delivered. I cannot believe that a teenage girl can be so manipulative!). He did not take it well. He fell into a deep depression on Sunday night and has not been able to fight his way out of it. He slept all day yesterday, except when he was at his therapist and psychiatrist's offices. Another med change. Another email to his school counselors and teachers, explaining it all (again) in hopes that the teachers will be more forgiving of missing assignments and turning in work late.
Adam's reaction to the girl situation would be understandable for about 1 hr. But someone without bipolar would be able to take a step back, get angry, and then move on. Adam has not been able to stop thinking about it except when he is asleep, so he wants to do that all the time. You have no idea how many hours a day that a truly depressed person will sleep. On the one hand, I know that he is getting relief while he is asleep. On the other hand, nobody can sleep for 24 hours without there being serious repercussions! Like, missing out on life, for heaven's sake! Or starving.
As I watched this situation unfold, I began to see that Adam's depression had already been building up since school began. He has been increasingly isolated (of his own will, I can't blame anyone else for it), no matter what I or his therapist said, he wouldn't do anything to further friendships (because it made him feel uncomfortable). He is already behind in his classes. He has taken to following me around the house and just bugging me (or his sibs) all the time. A total Mama's Boy, but not in a good way. This is not normal behavior. In one way, I am really grateful for the girl episode because it was like a slap - yes there is anxiety and depression here - and we needed to do something about it. I have been feeling that we needed to increase his anti-depressants but I just kept hoping he could use the tools he has been learning from the therapist to cope. Not there yet.
I can't see a way that this boy will be able to go to college or serve a mission in a year. I really don't know what is going to happen with Adam. He is not stable. I don't feel right about sending him off to college or on a mission. Maybe, hopefully, things will change over the course of this year. That is my prayer. But I am not feeling optimistic. Chad is so far in denial, he thinks that Adam will be fine. Megan just wants her service to make Adam all better. It makes me so sad that she isn't getting the results she is hoping for...and I have to be the one to keep telling her that she shouldn't base her mission on bringing a miracle into our lives...it is heartbreaking, this girl's family loyalty and devotion. I believe she would do ANYTHING for our family. Bless her, she is a joy in my life.
But right now, I am sad.
Adam's reaction to the girl situation would be understandable for about 1 hr. But someone without bipolar would be able to take a step back, get angry, and then move on. Adam has not been able to stop thinking about it except when he is asleep, so he wants to do that all the time. You have no idea how many hours a day that a truly depressed person will sleep. On the one hand, I know that he is getting relief while he is asleep. On the other hand, nobody can sleep for 24 hours without there being serious repercussions! Like, missing out on life, for heaven's sake! Or starving.
As I watched this situation unfold, I began to see that Adam's depression had already been building up since school began. He has been increasingly isolated (of his own will, I can't blame anyone else for it), no matter what I or his therapist said, he wouldn't do anything to further friendships (because it made him feel uncomfortable). He is already behind in his classes. He has taken to following me around the house and just bugging me (or his sibs) all the time. A total Mama's Boy, but not in a good way. This is not normal behavior. In one way, I am really grateful for the girl episode because it was like a slap - yes there is anxiety and depression here - and we needed to do something about it. I have been feeling that we needed to increase his anti-depressants but I just kept hoping he could use the tools he has been learning from the therapist to cope. Not there yet.
I can't see a way that this boy will be able to go to college or serve a mission in a year. I really don't know what is going to happen with Adam. He is not stable. I don't feel right about sending him off to college or on a mission. Maybe, hopefully, things will change over the course of this year. That is my prayer. But I am not feeling optimistic. Chad is so far in denial, he thinks that Adam will be fine. Megan just wants her service to make Adam all better. It makes me so sad that she isn't getting the results she is hoping for...and I have to be the one to keep telling her that she shouldn't base her mission on bringing a miracle into our lives...it is heartbreaking, this girl's family loyalty and devotion. I believe she would do ANYTHING for our family. Bless her, she is a joy in my life.
But right now, I am sad.
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