2 steps forward, 3 steps back

Adam has been doing pretty well lately. Some bumps in the road, but we're dealing with them. It has seemed like these meds were working. Tonight, he scared me, though. Sam came in after we went to bed and said that something bad was going on with Adam. He found Adam on the floor almost in tears and shaking. Adam tried to explain to Sam what he was feeling, and the only thing he could verbalize was a feeling that everything was "huge". I went in and talked to him a little, he told me the same thing, and that he was feeling anxiety, fear, and emptiness. Hm. So I did the first thing I always do: ask if he has taken his meds. Of course he hadn't. But he was really only a few hours late. Not sure why that would affect him like this...I do suspect that it was a combination of the narcotics he has been on for pain after getting his wisdom teeth removed on Wed., getting out of his normal routine during spring break, and some stress over giving a talk tomorrow. We'll have to chase down the reasons tomorrow, he's sleeping now.
When I felt sure that Adam would be ok for the night, I leaned down, kissed him on the head, and said, "If it gets overwhelming again, get Sam, or me, or Dad. We're your family, and we love you, and you don't have to go through this alone." He said, "Ok Mom. I feel better now."  We ARE his family, and we DO love him!  I have been laying in bed thinking about that. I had this picture come into my head of the six of us - me, Chad, Megan, Adam, Sam, and Sophie - sitting in a circle sometime in the pre-existence, discussing the requirement that our family be tested HARD. And trying to decide what and which one of us. And Adam stepping up and saying, "Ok, I'll take this on. But you guys have to be there to catch me." And we all agreed. And I felt an overwhelming feeling of respect and love for that very very brave boy. Mental illness is horrible. The brain chemistry is so delicate and if it isn't perfectly balanced, the personality changes can be confusing at best, terrifying and dangerous at worst. It is so hard to have warm fuzzy feelings for someone who is acting like a jerk half of the time.  Imagine how it must feel to have such overwhelming feelings and thoughts!  Who would volunteer for this?  But when it gets tough, I need to remind myself of that picture in my head of Adam bravely saying, "Ok, I'll take this on."  I know we'll all make it through this. We're Team Wright.  We love each other. We're all taking those steps forward and backward together. We have each others' backs. And we're not ever alone!