So last post I wrote about enduring the first 6 months of this year. And here I am in mid-March already! So far, so good. Really. Things have improved a lot!
We switched Adam to a new psychiatrist. We loved the old one but he became increasingly harder to reach - and he rarely called back. It was so frustrating, especially when there was a problem at the pharmacy and we needed meds quick. I can't tell you how many times Target pharmacy has given me "loaners" - just because the dr. wasn't answering their faxes or calls. They are pretty great at that pharmacy and we are all on a first name basis. That's kind of pathetic.
Anyway, this new psychiatrist was shocked at the meds and dosages that Adam was on. He immediately started to decrease the anti-depressant and introduced him to another new mood stabilizer. And that's when a miracle began. The rage and anger and general J-A (yes, I am trying not to out and out cuss, Sophie has called me on it enough!) behavior has all but disappeared. Adam is still a stinking teenage boy who can't help bugging his siblings, but at least now he isn't overwhelmingly angry all the time. And destructive. He is actually acting happy! He is doing homework again…and caring about his grades and his relationships with his teachers and his peers. He is participating in life again! And it is so nice to be able to have him walk in the room without our guards instantly going up and avoiding him like the plague. But, of course, life can't be that simple, can it. So we have been dealing with some minor mania…Adam has started in with the pressured speaking (a lot more speaking than is necessary, which makes him seem like a know-it-all). And he is spending money a little too freely. Like, he donated $50 to a political campaign. And he bought a testosterone supplement (total fraud) to build his muscles…"without working out". This is not like Adam. He has always been very good with his money, especially now that we are having him pay for his own gas and entertainment. He also approached his choir teacher and volunteered to play the guitar for one of their competition songs for their big choir competition next Friday. Adam hasn't picked up a guitar in over a year. As soon as he got home from that, his face was pale as a sheet, and he said, "what did I just do?" Yeah, that's mania. Thankfully we were able to talk him into going back to his teacher and un-volunteering, haha!
He gets obsessed easily. And he is losing weight. Some of these things are actually a huge improvement. He gained so much weight over the past year so the weight loss is giving him a lot more self-confidence. So overall, things have greatly improved…but I still wouldn't call him stable. Its always a work in progress. We are still planning on sending him to college this fall. We still have about 5 months to get him stable. Still fasting and praying.
As for my maintenance. I am eating more calories every day. It has been very weird to be able to eat more. And it is an experiment every day to see what and how much I can eat. Some days I have clearly eaten too much at a sitting, or the wrong thing, and I have experienced some really bad sickness. My GI has a tendency to act up at any given time, especially when I am running! I feel bad, but I have had to stop running with the friends I enjoy, just because I have to stop at every public restroom along the route! It is embarrassing. But I am learning more every day and the beauty of it is that along this path, I have not gained an ounce. I am still maintaining 127 lbs. Some days I weigh in and I can't believe I haven't gained anything because I know I ate too much the day before…thank goodness for MyFitnessPal! I live by that app. My kids think I am on my phone too much…but the thing is that I am constantly journaling my food intake, and I don't want to miss anything! I guess that is probably what is keeping me on track. I have gone to the dietician and she taught me all this crazy overwhelming information about food units and how many complex carbs/simple carbs/proteins/healthy fats/etc. that I should be eating. I tried keeping track of that for two days and it took me so long to figure it all out that I just gave up. I am just trying to keep my proteins up and get most of my carbs from fruit and veggies, and crossing my fingers that it is ok. So far it is working. I am still shocked every time I look at myself in the mirror. I can't believe this is me. But it has started to feel like the new normal - meaning, I don't feel thin, I just feel like me. But all my life, when I have felt this way, I was fat. Hence the mirror shock.
The homeschooling is going better, but I am still not sure what I want to do next fall. I am afraid that the kids aren't getting the level of education they need to be prepared for college, but I am also afraid to send them to public school. Especially Sam. High School is awful. The language, topics of conversation, immodesty, etc. So you see my dilemma! Personally, it would revolutionize my life if I could have some alone time. But I am trying not to be selfish about this.
Meg is happy, so that makes me happy. I am so grateful that she is halfway done. I have always thought that I am a lousy missionary mom because I miss her so bad and want the time to pass quickly. Guilt. But I have talked to enough moms to find out that I am not abnormal. My feelings are legit. It has gotten easier the longer she has been gone, but I guess that also has to do with the fact that she is so much happier now. So immersed in the culture and the language, and she gets to be a trainer (which is actually kind of rare with the palangi sisters). Put Meg in charge and she will whip things into shape and feel great about doing it. I love that kid.
So. Go March! April will go quickly because there are a lot of holidays and things to look forward to. May is the last month of school. June, we'll be packing for the move. July, we'll be moving. August, we'll be decorating the new house and putting in a yard and delivering Adam to SUU. September, my favorite time of the year will be starting (FALL!). October, we will be able to decorate the new house for our first holiday there. November, Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday) and MEG COMES HOME!!! And the year could quit there and I would be super happy, but no, then there is Christmas and our trip to Fiji. Bring it on!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment