Sad letters

We started getting snail mail letters from Meg, which were written during her first and second weeks in Fiji.  She was so homesick then.  It was hard for her to adjust to a completely new culture and language, and her companion was hardly helpful.  In fact, she sounds like a bit of a nightmare.  My heart has been aching so bad for Meg!  Anytime she has been sad in the past, I would wrap my arms around her and give her loving pep-talks.  She would do the same to me when I was sad.  We have been best friends for years now, but especially during her HS years when she had basically no social life.  These snail mail letters are a bit more raw than the emailed ones.  I think because she was writing them in the moment, not just on P-day when she knew her letter would be put on her blog.  I can imagine how she felt, I have been that homesick before.  I felt that when I was on a 7 month Study Abroad in Austria.  The first few weeks there were so bad - I seriously thought I was going to die.  I felt physically ill.  I didn't want to wake up in the mornings because then I would find that I was still there.  It was awful for about 2-3 weeks, and then I started to recognize the grand adventure that I was on.  I knew I would probably never make it back there again, and so I began to absorb that language and culture and appreciate the things I was seeing.  It got easier then.  I tried to warn Meg about that kind of homesickness but I don't think she really took me seriously.  Anyway, I am not surprised that she has been this homesick, I just hate that she is going through it.  I need to look through my Study Abroad journal and find some pages that she will identify with.  Maybe that will help.
Anyway, I am homesick for Meg too.  For the first time since she left, I really broke down on Saturday, and again today.  I am seriously a lousy missionary mom.  I don't tell her about it, but this is the hardest thing I have ever done...and I've been through some pretty hard things.  But on the other hand, I am seeing so many amazing blessings.  Like, miracles.  So I should be super happy, and I am most of the time.  It just slams me sometimes and I struggle.  I hope that when Meg starts having a better experience in Fiji, then it will be easier for me too.  And holy cow, I want the time to go by so much faster!!!  But here is the quandary.  The faster the time goes, the sooner Adam will be gone too.  If he continues to be stable like he is now, then he will definitely be able to serve a mission.  In less than a year.  Nobody ever talks about how the mom feels about having 2 missionaries out at the same time.  I can tell you, I am going to be a mess again!  Especially because of Adam's bipolar!  At least I am pretty sure they won't send him foreign.  That will make it easier!
All of that said, I know that the sacrifice brings blessings.  I know that Meg is growing and becoming the person that her Heavenly Father wants her to be...the woman that will be a strong and faithful wife and mother.  And when the time comes for Adam, I know that he will learn the gospel and mature into an honorable and valiant holder of the Priesthood like the sons of Helaman.  Like the prophet that he was named for.  As a mother, this is the very best that I could hope for, for my children.  So the sacrifice is worth it.  Let me bawl a little bit, it will be worth it.