Well, the other shoe dropped. Adam had a negative experience with an old girlfriend who gave him some shocking news and also dumped on him (I have always had really bad feelings about her and yet again, she delivered. I cannot believe that a teenage girl can be so manipulative!). He did not take it well. He fell into a deep depression on Sunday night and has not been able to fight his way out of it. He slept all day yesterday, except when he was at his therapist and psychiatrist's offices. Another med change. Another email to his school counselors and teachers, explaining it all (again) in hopes that the teachers will be more forgiving of missing assignments and turning in work late.
Adam's reaction to the girl situation would be understandable for about 1 hr. But someone without bipolar would be able to take a step back, get angry, and then move on. Adam has not been able to stop thinking about it except when he is asleep, so he wants to do that all the time. You have no idea how many hours a day that a truly depressed person will sleep. On the one hand, I know that he is getting relief while he is asleep. On the other hand, nobody can sleep for 24 hours without there being serious repercussions! Like, missing out on life, for heaven's sake! Or starving.
As I watched this situation unfold, I began to see that Adam's depression had already been building up since school began. He has been increasingly isolated (of his own will, I can't blame anyone else for it), no matter what I or his therapist said, he wouldn't do anything to further friendships (because it made him feel uncomfortable). He is already behind in his classes. He has taken to following me around the house and just bugging me (or his sibs) all the time. A total Mama's Boy, but not in a good way. This is not normal behavior. In one way, I am really grateful for the girl episode because it was like a slap - yes there is anxiety and depression here - and we needed to do something about it. I have been feeling that we needed to increase his anti-depressants but I just kept hoping he could use the tools he has been learning from the therapist to cope. Not there yet.
I can't see a way that this boy will be able to go to college or serve a mission in a year. I really don't know what is going to happen with Adam. He is not stable. I don't feel right about sending him off to college or on a mission. Maybe, hopefully, things will change over the course of this year. That is my prayer. But I am not feeling optimistic. Chad is so far in denial, he thinks that Adam will be fine. Megan just wants her service to make Adam all better. It makes me so sad that she isn't getting the results she is hoping for...and I have to be the one to keep telling her that she shouldn't base her mission on bringing a miracle into our lives...it is heartbreaking, this girl's family loyalty and devotion. I believe she would do ANYTHING for our family. Bless her, she is a joy in my life.
But right now, I am sad.
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3 comments:
I'm so sorry Laura for what your family is going through. When you have anxiety, it's hard to stop your mind from turning like a hamster wheel. Doesn't the church have service missions that might suit Adam's needs? Or maybe something closer to home? I don't know. I'm praying for you and we love you guys.
Laura I applaud you for your courage to talk about this. It would be easy for you to wrap yourself in a cocoon of denial and send him off to college/mission only to have it turn into a disaster. But how much better this is for Adam in the long run that you have the foresight to see that these goals mayvery well need to adapted so that he can be in situations where he will succeed instead of feeling like a failure. Adam sure is lucky to have you as his mother.
I didn't realize anyone was still reading this blog except my mother-in-law. I really appreciate your support, it means so much!
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