That one thing we're lacking

Yesterday was General Conference.  It was also my birthday, and Chad must have threatened the kids within an inch of their lives because there was absolute peace for most of the day.  I don't know how Adam held it together, haha!  But, I so appreciated it because it allowed me to feel the Spirit.  And what I realized is that we have not really had the Holy Ghost in our home in months.  MONTHS!!!  No wonder everyone has been so miserable!  There has been so much contention going on, and so many negative thoughts and fear and worry, it is no wonder.  It was like a refreshing drink of restorative water to sit and listen to the inspired words of our leaders, and I soaked it all up like a sponge.  I found that the despair that I often feel was replaced with hope and a calming peace that I have missed so badly!  Plus so many of the talks were pretty much just for me.  When Elder Holland spoke about the father of the sick boy who went to the Savior and begged for healing for his son...when he quoted that father saying, "Lord, I believe; help me my unbelief." I was so touched because that is me.  All of it.  And that wasn't the only talk that resonated with me.  It was a wonderful day, and I look forward to the peace and Spirit that will come as I reread those talks.

So, my goals have been changed a little bit.  Instead of trying so hard to control my kids' behavior with reward and punishment only, I will try super hard to have the Holy Ghost in our home first.
And that starts with me.
As I listened to conference yesterday, of course, as always happens, things were brought to my mind that I need to improve.  I was made aware that I need to work on praying on my knees, and for the right things.  I need to read my scriptures more meaningfully and often.  I need to react with patience and love.  And I need to have more faith.  To trust that the Atonement applies to my fears and worries, and so much of what I have been despairing about can be turned over to the Savior.  He loves us and understands what our family is going through - it is a refining fire but the most important thing is that we are not in this alone.  Big happy sigh.  This is such a wonderful realization!
We need to make sure we are having FHE more regularly, and try to control our tempers when the kids get distracted (usually with the dogs) and just take a deep breath.  We need to strive to have better scripture study with our kids at night.  We have been very regular in this, but often we end up praying with a tinge of anger because of that frustration when somebody bugs somebody else (wedgies).  No Spirit there, in spite of our efforts!  We need to go to the temple more often, and fulfill our callings faithfully and without complaint.
And I need to do a better job cooking healthy dinners and serving them on time.  I think that one will be the hardest change!
When I have done all I can do, I will to let go and let God.