Maybe our family is just socially awkward, we should embrace it.

Have you ever noticed that your kids behave differently at home with the family, than they do out in the big bad world?  My kids have been struggling with this phenomenon pretty much ever since preschool.  And I just never got it!  Are we cursed?

I grew up in a big family, the youngest of 6 kids.  My older siblings smoothed the way for me, looked out for me, and taught me by example, both good and bad.  I didn't have social problems beyond the usual ones.  And once I hit high school, I really blossomed.  I was a cheerleader (that was cool in those days), a gymnast, and homecoming princess my sophomore year.  I dated cute football players and smart intellectuals (who were also cute).  I felt well-adjusted and even...dare I say...popular.  I figured that pattern would be repeated in my future family.  But I saw a lot of stuff that the popular kids did to stay that way and I decided that popular wasn't that great.  Plus, I didn't like to play those games.  My senior year of high school was when I stopped really caring where I fit in with the crowd and did things my own way.  It was incredibly freeing.

A few years later, I married a man who had been a bit socially awkward and only had a few good friends (although you would never know that now!).  But he was happy and has no regrets.  He stopped socially caring very early on and embraced his smarts (that really attracted me!).  He has since chosen a career that requires A LOT of shmoozing and social skills.  So he really knows what he is doing...but he is confident and secure regardless.

And we had 4 kids.  Who, like other kids, cared very much.  But they were awkward.  Especially Adam, who was struggling with severe social anxiety and his bipolar disorder (although we didn't know it at the time).  I remember one time, watching him get out of the car for a Cub Scout pack meeting, and he literally changed his stance, the look on his face, and the way he walked.  He looked like a different kid.  And every time he came home, he was complaining about the other boys giving him grief.  Of course I talked to Scoutmasters, Primary teachers, teachers at school, and the parents of the other boys.  But it didn't ever stop.  We put the kid in 3 different elementary schools, and then home schooled him for three years.  The bullying became physical - he has had two concussions, and a broken finger from other boys pushing him down.  He was in therapy for two years and on meds for one before we got the diagnosis of Aspergers.  Which explained some of the social problems, but didn't stop the bullying.  All throughout this time, Adam would have major meltdowns at home (uncontrollable crying, curling up in a ball and rocking himself, running away - he still does all of that sometimes), which scared us but we thought it was part of the Aspergers.  Back to therapy and meds. Not Aspergers. The amount of money spent on therapy is mind boggling.  But at least we can afford it.  We feel so blessed for that!

Knowing what went on behind our closed doors, Meg was super protective of him to the point that she would tell off the other kids on a daily basis.  It totally ruined her social life.  But she was a little backwards too, in need of friends who would understand this drama and be supportive to her...it didn't happen.  She and Adam became best friends, depending on each other for that support.

Then Sam.  Sam is still young enough that we don't know exactly how he will turn out.  But most of his life, he has been understood better by adults than by his peer group.  He makes the kind of jokes and quotes movies, TV shows, and games, that nobody else gets.  The other kids roll their eyes at him.  He is also being home schooled and LOVES it.  When I mentioned him going back to school next year, he just froze.  I have watched him change into another kid when getting out of the car for Scouts.  And right after this move, he came home from his first Scout activity and said, "I'm just the nerd here again."  I told him to embrace it.

Sophie is totally hyper when she leaves home.  She runs around and hugs everyone else and talks constantly.  She does have friends but is the loudest of all of them.  I didn't notice that until I started running Activity Days.  She is the worst one of all of them...and I have 19 girls!  She is being home schooled too.

Here's the funny thing.  At home, when Adam is leveled out (not depressed or manic which is barely happening but I am so glad), things are relatively calm.  The kids are fine.  We get along.  We spend time together and support each other and have fun together.  We are a team.  No matter how bad Adam gets, he has us.  And no matter how bad Sam, Sophie, and Meg feel, they have each other and us.  People see Meg's incredibly loving posts on facebook and ask us what our secret is.  And here it is: All those years of social awkwardness brought us together like nothing else could...it was us against the world.

Our family is socially awkward, and we embrace it.  We are a team.