Depression

I got a new phone, because my old one was misbehaving, and as I was cleaning out my photo collection (over 500!) I came across some vids that I had taken about 1 1/2 years ago. As I watched them, I felt so sad. Adam was so different then. He wanted to do what is right!  He listened to me!  He was happy!  He annoyed his siblings, but he wasn't malicious. I MISS THAT BOY SO BADLY!
I don't know the Adam we live with now. And I don't know how, or if it is even possible to get him back. I don't know if I am in denial or if there is hope. All I know is that the son I knew and loved so well is gone.  And in his place is this negative jerk, who can't be nice to anyone. Me, least of all. He breaks my heart every single day. I can't bear it.

And then I think of my other kids. Meg, who is my bestie. Who went through the temple with us last weekend in preparation for her mission. Who is solid and dependable and beautiful.
Sam, who has a tender heart and so much love. He tries to comfort me by making good decisions and being very responsible.
Sophie, who is full of vibrancy and energy. Who is solid in her testimony and very very stubborn about it. She'll whack me for saying crap.
I'm their mom too.